I knew something was bound to happen the minute you told me about those people inviting you to party with them. I KNEW IT. I fucking knew it but I ignored it because I trust you. But why now, man? Why the fucking now? I'm almost coming home and you fuck me like that?? You know what? FUCK YOU TOO.
I knew there was something wrong when you didn't even feel any repulse when you found out that I told on you. Shouldn't you be questioning your trust in me, too? You choose not to because as you said, it was the past and I've learned my lesson. We both know you overreacted when I accompanied our friend to the fucking movies and I let you be, because I thought you had the right to think that way and to react that way. Now it's my turn. I wondered, really, when and how this fucking moment will come. I never even thought it was over that fucking stick. Of all the unblessed people in the world, why the fuck does it have to be you. I thought we knew what hurt each other. Why did you still do it? Better yet, why are you doing it?
Seeing you with that piece of shit made me feel so worthless and stupid. Are you just playing me? After all the hassle, all the years we've known each other, all the times we've been together, all our good times and bad times, you still decide to do IT: the worst possible fuck up you could ever do to fuck me. I clearly CLEARLY told you before how I felt about IT. I am disappointed in you.
I'm not disappointed because you did it. I'm disappointed because you STILL did it AND CHOSE TO DO IT despite knowing how I felt about it. It was a big FUCK YOU YOU STUPID CUNT to me!! DO YOU ABHOR ME?? YOU COULD'VE JUST TOLD ME!!! DO YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH?!
I cannot believe you choose to choose that stick over me. I cannot believe it. I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE IT. I cannot believe you kept this from me. I thought we trusted each other. We talk about everything. EVERY SINGLE THING, even sex which is a far more sensitive topic than IT. There were a couple of times when you could've told me about it but you choose not to.
Maybe we aren't supposed to be with each other. Maybe the first time you chose something else over me should have been the last.
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10:59:00 PM
Why is everyone suddenly smoking??
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Saturday, March 29, 2008
9:23:00 PM
Hahahahahha i love kids :) I might minor in Art Therapy for kids just so I learn how to analyze kiddies drawings. That'd be fun.
I just realized that if I bought a car, I wouldn't take good care of it nor would I give a damn about it. I mean, I wouldn't ever check on the tire's air pressure, and the oil and all that shnazz. All I would do is drive it and hope that nothing absurd happens to the car while I'm on the road (like have a flat tire). I wouldn't even readopen touch the manual. I wouldn't have the patience to look for a good insurance company nor apply for one.
A car is too much of a responsibility and a headache for me. Not now, I'm too young for that shit haha. I don't need a car, I just want a car. I want a car but I wouldn't be able to take responsibility for it -- that's crap. I am pretty sure it's my dad who will have to make sure my car is safe enough to take out of the garage and not me. I don't want it to be that way. The last thing I want the father and the mother to do is babysit me. Hello naman.
Just some stupid realizations.
I say I can take care of myself, I can stand on my own and that I'm all grown up but I act like I don't want to grow up. I love to sleep the whole day and do nothing. Sleeping all day will not feed me, clothe me, or buy me a car. Sleeping all day and procrastinating will not pay my bills or my mortgage.
I'll be 20 in 8months. I better get my act together.
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12:50:00 PM
I bought the DSM-IV a few weeks ago, thinking that I would be using it for the next 3 years (DSM-V is due 2011). Then my Counseling teacher told us yesterday that the DSM-V is out. Woe is me. I haven't even held the DSM-IV for more than 2mins. I'll just send it back so I will be happy :D
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Friday, March 28, 2008
11:32:00 PM
So many stuff is going on inside my head I feel really sad and overwhelmed. Nothing serious, though. Just you know, anger inside me. I've become more impatient now and really really angry almost snappish at everyone and everything! I want someone to talk to in person! Of course it's different talking to someone over the phone, it's just not as real. And besides, I'll probably be competing with the show you're watching, or your texting.
I need to vent. I really need to vent!
I miss my friends.
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Wednesday, March 26, 2008
11:11:00 PM
Last week a 12 year old boy was arrested in Bloomington, Illinois.
His crime?
He threw a rock at Soulja Boy’s tour bus the day after one of his performances!
While we don't like to condone violence, we say….he should have used water balloons!
The incident took place near a Hampton Inn West in Bloomington, IN, a bit before 8:00pm.
When questioned by police offers as to why the boy threw the rock at the tour bus windshield, he simply responded with “I hate Soulja Boy!”
Word!
Luckily, no one was hurt by the 12 year old rock-thrower.
Must be tough when your music is so bad, it leads people to violence.
-http://perezhilton.com
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Love it! You go little boy! :D Grabeng galit mo ah! :D Hahahahaha
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Monday, March 24, 2008
10:02:00 PM
March 24, 2008 40 Locsin St., Albay District, Legazpi City 4500 Philippines
Dear cousin Baog:
......Greetings of hope, peace, joy, and love! How are you? I hope you are fine. Me? I'm fine, too. I am writing you this letter because I want to show you our Easter Sunday pictures last year. Do you remember the Pataratara? Do you remember? Do you do you do you? Oh how I miss hearing the annoying brats speaking Latin and saying 'Pataratara' in a sing-song voice.
......Oh how great it is to reminisce the past. Anyway, here are the two pictures of us, both of us wearing a floral blouse:
......How embarrassing our fashion sense was before, right? El ow el. Never in our lives should we be caught wearing the same bulaklakin blouse again. We might as well be arrested by the fashion police. El ow el.
......I must say good bye now. Thank you very much for sparing so time out of your busy schedule to read my letter. I hope to hear from you soon.
......Best wishes to you and our cousins. I miss you all and Happy Easter!
......Mwah.
xoxo, your cousin StarBak
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9:43:00 PM
HABERDAY CHARMander!♥
Taken fresh out of high school! [notice we don't have pimples] We don't have decent photos together so yeah haha this is the best I can do! :D
Haha haberday berday to you Charmeme! :D
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9:00:00 AM
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
How do you expect us to finish our work when you keep cackling about the things to do?? SHUT UP AND MOVE!!!
KAKAGIGIL ANAK NG PUTA! Hindi na natigil blahblah ng blah blah! Tanong ng tanong ng kung ano ano kita ng may ginagawa kami para sakanya! Tae talaga nakakagigil if I had socks I would stuff it in her mouth! Hindi makaintindi na hindi lang ito ang ginagawa namin, we have schooolwork to do too and I have something due later putangina nya.
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Wednesday, March 19, 2008
9:12:00 PM
I wanna go to a petting zoo!!! >:(
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Monday, March 17, 2008
12:00:00 PM
I am in school. I forgot my wallet at home. I am hungry. It's 3:00pm, I've been here since 10:00am. I will be here until 10:00pm. I am going to faint. I suck.
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Sunday, March 16, 2008
8:23:00 PM
Juju just told me about this movie this morning. He loved it, he said it deserves 8.5 stars out of 10 And that coming from him, hah, it must be one heck of a movie [he's too picky]. And I agree! It's silly funny! Too bad wala sa tvliveshows.
Ay, I don't know if I mentioned this here already but watch Amelie, too! :D |
7:27:00 PM
Shit, I'm in trouble! I lost my Aunt's wedding guests pictures! SHIT. I transferred all of it to the desktop in the basement early December pa. I thought I copied those that I was going to use in the guest book into my USB. I was really confident that it was in my USB, but yesterday, when my father checked, SHIT. Wala! Walang pictures! Pero okay lang because I thought the pics were still in the desktop downstairs and in my digicam's memory card. So today, after mass, I looked for my digicam. Lo and behold, the card was blank. Okay, it's blank I still have it stored in the desktop so okay lang.
SHIT.
Wala na rin pala sa desktop, may nagreformat ng desktop!! SHIT!! TANGINA. How am I going to get out of this mess *_* SHIT. Nakalimutan ko na kung saan ko kinopya, if i ever did copy the pics, o kung binura ko na ba or if I gave any copies to anyone. I can't believe this is happening huhu. I AM HORRIBLE! :(
I've noticed recently that I've been out of my mind. Kung ano ano ang nakakalimutan ko na ginawa ko pala. It's weird, though, because nothing's really bothering me (until now! *_*) but I still I'm always in autopilot mode! I have to put a stop to this. *** We had "palaspas" in the church! :D Coolness, hehe. Pero hindi ko ma-feel ang Holy Week dito. Walang Holy Week shows, walang 7th heaven marathon, walang holidays. But they do easter egg hunts. Wow..
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2:53:00 AM
Take time to realize, That your warmth is Crashing down on in. Take time to realize, That I am on your side Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you, No, it's never gonna be that simple No, I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized, Then we'd be perfect for each other and will never find another Just realized what I just realized we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.
Take time to realize Oh-oh, I'm on your side didn't I, didn't I tell you. Take time to realize This all can pass you by Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you, no, it's never gonna be that simple no I can't spell it out for you.
If you just realized what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other then we'd never find another Just realized what I just realized we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.
It's not always the same, no, it's never the same if you don't feel it too. If you meet me half way, If you would meet me half way. It could be the same for you.
If you just realize what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other then we'd never find another Just realize what I just realized We'd never have to wonder If we missed out on each other
Just realize what I just realized Then we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another
Just realize what I just realized We'd never have to wonder If we missed out on each other, now Missed out on each other now Missed out on each other now.
♥ |
1:46:00 AM
I can't wait to fucking get home but firsttt..
I must book a flight. Imma do it this week I sweaaar!
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Saturday, March 15, 2008
12:01:00 AM
Guess who lost her metals today :)
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008
9:13:00 AM
KAKALOKA! Just when I thought wala nang tatalo pa kay Brother!
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6:50:00 AM
I am such a loser, I just saw this video TODAY. Grabeeee I am your brother BOW DOWN.
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Friday, March 07, 2008
9:31:00 PM
FINALLY! I am done with my Counseling midterms! YAY!! It was all barbero chopsuey skaramosa smörgåsbord! Now all I have to do over the break is my Meta-analysis. Oh wait, also finish a take home LT, and my Automatic Thought Record. Ngekkk what break.
I attended my first Judicial Board meeting this afternoon. It was interesting! I felt like I was part of CSI or Boston Legal! :D I love it. I love solving crimes puzzles. I love to trace trails to find out where it all began and who it started with. And putting them behind bars. Kidding. I just like knowing. And learning. ***
I remember playing Carmen Sandiego [that's Carmen Sandiego up there looking hot as ever in her boots and red coat], a look-and-find detective work computer game, with my cousins when we were kiddies. We'd play it all day and all night. And eat adobo/beefsteak-filled homemade soft tortilla. We made tortillas/pita bread! Me and my mother and my cousins! It was a Carmen Sandiego recipe and we loved it :D I bet it tasted horrible but as kids, it was the best tortilla ever. Oh man.. I almost forgot how I love playing computer games. I almost forgot how I LOOOOVE Carmen San Diego, and also Super Solvers Treasure Mountain and Gizmos and Gadgets. And who can forget Zoombinis (blue heads on the right)! I love love love looove Zoombinis they are adorable!!
I was such a geeky kid. I never went out to play with other kids, I was just at home playing computer games and making email addresses for my classmates HAHAHA. I think I was in the 4th grade at that time. I was also in love with constellations and witchcraft (and my father supported all my quirkiness♥). GEEK! @_@
The only time I went out of the house (as in out in the streets pass our gate) was to ride my BARBIE bike HAHAHA. I think I was about 12 and Baog was 10 when I learned how to ride without the training wheels. It was time for some mischief >:) Me and bago, we ran errands (in our bikes, of course) for my mother and Aunts. We NEVER gave them back their change. They never noticed, anyway. We were [or I was] junkfood deprived children of the future so we would sneak out to buy plastic balloon, tex, candy, junkfood, etc in Ate Baby's sari-sari store. We were loaded with loose change :D Hmm. I think this is my favorite feel-good childhood memory :) ♥ ♥ ♥
Okay, that had no point at all. Not to mention no transition. Totally random. Whatever. Have a nice nice niiice day! :)
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12:07:00 AM
Who has the time to be part of my half-boiled business?
Please say I.
Actually, it's not even half-boiled. I haven't done any research. Idea lang talaga :D I'm thinking of setting up an online store. I buy it here, ship it there. I browsed some of the sellers in multiply, they're bangin' yo (sounding black here haha)! They're selling accessories for P500 when I can buy some of those stuff for just P200 + shipping ($60 for a balikbayan box that can contain hundreds of accessories so balewala ang shipping ko, not even a $0.50 for each item). I'm still just thinking about it (haven't put much thought in it), just you know.. Dreaming big and hoping it's feasible :D
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Thursday, March 06, 2008
10:20:00 PM
I love watching Kaba Modern, they are sick. I love watching their isolations, they do it perfectly, as in PERFECTLY. Napapa-palakpak talaga ako at napapa-cheer every time I watch them live on TV. And I vote for them online, haha grabe. SUPPORT!
This was their audition number. Grabe talaga sobrang precise ng moves nila, kakaloka:
If hip hop was always this good to watch, I'll wear oversized jerseys and tilted caps in a snap. But hey, back to reality: that won't happen thank God :) I digress. So far, pinakagusto ko yung Thriller number nila, wala pa sa YouTube dahil kanina lang yun hehe. So, if you want to watch it, go here and vote na rin hehehe :D
Tapos.
I came upon Philippine All Stars while I was looking for a Kaba Modern video to post. ANG GALING DIN NILA! They have a different style of dancing (compared to Kaba Modern), swak na swak din eh. Kakaloka!! They're not as anal as Kaba but they still bring it kahit raw yung dancing nila (I sound like some all-knowing judge when I have zero dance knowledge and don't even dance). The best thing is, Pinoy pride! :) All Pinoy group from the Philippines and not just Filipinos who grew up in the US. Di ako aware talaga na may mga ganito palang style of dancing ang mga Pinoy. I KNOW how ignorant of me! :(
I wonder why the EB babes are still in Eat Bulaga getting paid TO ENTERTAIN people when crews like Philippine All Stars exist. Bulag ba ang mga networks?? Helloooo.. Kung hindi Street Boys ang sumasayaw e Sexbomb. Nubayan, time to upgrade Eat Bulaga and Wowowee! Tama na ang pagpayaman sa EB babes at kay Luningning. Sex sells but please naman noh, dagdagan nyo naman diversity ninyo.
Teka nga, bat ko ba kinakausap ang GMA at ABSCBN, eh hindi naman ako nanonood ng noontime shows nila. Tsaka, bat ba ako na-i-in sa mga dance crew dance crew na ito! Dahil ata hindi ako aware talaga dati na may ganung form of dancing pala and I am totally amazed. As in where was I! Macarena pa ata ang form of dancing na nasa isip ko tangina diba hahahahahaha!
Cla anak, pakitaan mo nga ako ng damubs mo dali triple spin moonwalk pirouette caterpillar souljaboy dance go.
(I heard uso na rin ang Souljaboy sa Pilipinas? Naubos na yung dito, I never had the chance to learn huhu. HAHA yeah right.)
EDIT I just found out that Kaba Modern was established by a Filipino dance crew way back 1992. The word 'kaba' is apparently short for 'kababayan'. Although I think none of the Kaba Modern on TV is Filipino anymore. I think they are all Koreans. I read it on YouTube comments on some videos. Don't know if it's true, though. Mga Pinoy talaga eh, star na star (Black Eyed Peas, Vanessa Minnillo, Pussycat Dolls, Jasmien Trias, Lou Diamond Philips, Ramiel Maglubay, Rey Lapuz, Allan K etc)! Hahaha. /EDIT
EDIT EDIT Kaba Modern pala defeated Philippine All Stars in the 2007 World Hiphop Competition(?). Kaba Modern bagged 2nd place while Philippine All Stars placed 3rd place. Still, not bad. Besides, Philippine All Stars won the 1st place in the 2006 WHC. Cool na cool! :D /EDIT EDIT |
8:53:00 PM
I have a brilliant an idea!
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Monday, March 03, 2008
1:05:00 AM
Once upon a time, I was thin(ner). I had laman and a bit of tummy but I wasn't as fat as I am now. I was happy then. Hay. I want to lose weight. I've wanted to lose weight for the past year(s). I need to -- for my health. I'm not THAT overweight but I am overweight. I don't like having this heavy feeling. I don't like feeling sluggish. I miss the times when I'd always want to move and run around. I miss the 'light' feeling. I used to love running, especially when I get agitated or mad. But now, when I get mad, feel confused, feel depressed, I resort to EATING. This is the first time I am admitting this to everyone.
I BINGE EAT.
It started about two years ago. I'm not exactly sure but I remember I would binge eat in our dorm. It must have been late in my 1st year-early 2nd year college. I usually did it when I felt alone, when I felt super stressed out, when I felt helpless and misunderstood (which was frequent at one point during 2nd year). I never told anyone about it, not even Joey. Even I didn't know about it. I didn't notice it!
I learned about this disorder a few weeks ago in a TV show. It was mortifying to hear the guests tell their stories about binge eating all the time. They order food enough for 7 people or more and eat it all by themselves. Absolutely horrible.. Now the other day when I felt really upset (I think it was a Wednesday and I blogged that I was), I was studying for a long test. I couldn't concentrate anymore because I was really disturbed (can't tell you the reason, sorry). I felt like exploding, I wanted to run. I knew I wanted to run and just use up all the unwanted energy but I didn't. The weather was tolerable, I could just leave my things at the library and run run run. But. I. Didn't. Instead, I went upstairs to the caf, bought a turkey burger, fries, soda, and pudding. I didn't get contented with all that food so I bought carrot cake and coffee. BABOY TALAGA.
While I was eating, my mind was racing. Why am I eating? Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I still doing this when I know this won't satisfy me? When I know it won't make me feel better. But I kept doing it. I still kept on chewing, and swallowing everything.
Because I was so disgusted with myself, I wanted to throw all the food up. Suddenly I was developing bulimia! *_* Thank God I was strong enough to brush off all those evil thoughts. [Thank you Counseling Center seminars!]
So now, I am coming clean. I am facing this problem and telling the world about it. I am making things right. I want to live better, healthier. I am committing to living healthier. To losing weight. Most importantly, to feeling good about myself again. I know I can do it. I know I can. Just need to give more heart. It's hard but it's doable! Cha, pressure me be my good influence! :D
EDIT Bakit nawala yung proper spacing between lines ack it's annoying na hindi pantay!! OC me! *_* How do I fix it! /EDIT
EDIT EDIT Nevermind I fixed it already yay :D /EDIT EDIT |
Sunday, March 02, 2008
11:13:00 PM
Kumusta na kaya si Aligs? Binisita ko LJ nya, bumalik na pala sya nung Christmas galing sa JVP nya sa Samar. Wala lang.. Astig si Aligs :)
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1:21:00 AM
I love Tokidoki but they're so expensive! Pinagiisipan ko pa kung bibilhin ko yung bag na gusto ko -- It's been a year of deliberation haha. Akala ko mumura na yung bag if I waited for a while to buy it. Sus naman, three seasons na ang lumipas, same price pa rin! $172 for the damned backpack. Kainis! Tapos what sucks more is that Tokidoki isn't collaborated with LeSport Sac anymore. So. No more new Tokidoki bags. So, kailangan ko na bumili soon or else mauubusan na ako ng stock. Haha. What a dilemma! I should just help Darfur with the 172 bucks I'll shed for a bag.
Sige na nga, tutulong na lang ako sa kapwa. Di na ako bibili ng overpriced bag.
But I'm still going to check in the next few months, hehehe. Malay mo, the price might go down to $70. Yun, papatusin ko na for sure hehehhee.
What should I do when I come home? Any suggestions? I'm creating a list of to do's when I get home. So far, I only have 12 -- it's harder than I thought it would be.
*** This will sound highly unlikely of me but I'm very excited to watch the Sex and the City movie! I just saw the trailer last night, Big proposed to Carrie YAY! But I think something happens to Big right before their wedding. I'm betting he died. Hahahaha what a bummer.
*** Last night, I contributed $15 for Hillary's campaign and I can't believe I just did that. I kinda care for this country after all.
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5:25:00 PM
I dislike Obama.
That is all.
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12:38:00 AM
I think I'm back. I think my randomness has come back! After almost a year! Now I can blog more often! YAY! I felt like I always had nothing to say kaya I don't often blog anymore. Now, biglang kinakati ako magblog uli. YAY I have been waiting for this moment! I've been wanting it to come back! Yaaay! :)
♥ sharon.
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12:33:00 AM
My Spanish teacher told me that I had a GIFT. I felt so special.